Knowing what's important to you makes it easier to decide "what's next" for you. Knowing what's important to others makes it easier to persuade them to do what you need them to do, to give them meaningful recognition, and to communicate your ideas in a way they will understand.
I often work with executives who are confused about which of many possible next steps makes the most sense for them. As long as they are looking only at the next step it's often impossible to decide which to choose. Once we sort out what's really important to that person, however, the choice becomes clearer. My job is to periodically remind them of the core motivators we have discovered and ask them which next step seems to most honor those motivators.
On the other hand, my business owner clients sometimes encounter an employee with whom they just can't seem to connect. Rather than fire that person and try to find someone else for the job, a bit of understanding about values and motivations might be just what the doctor ordered.
Here are a few tools to help you sort out what's important.
Ask her to describe her most memorable vacation. When she is done, see how many apparent values you can name, based on her story. Play back for her what you think you heard. Ask him to describe his most memorable recognition. From the response, you will gather clues as to what he loves to be recognized for (which usually aligns with what he values in himself) and how he likes to receive that recognition. Again, play back for him what you think you heard. Two books include exercises that will lead to an understanding of values. StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup's Now, Discover Your Strengths Asking him to brainstorm a list of words that represent his values can work, although most clients find this exercise much harder. I might give him a list [PDF, 67kb] from which to choose the words that fit him best, but I worry that some clients choose those words they think are appropriate in my eyes, not the words that best fit them. I use this exercise sparingly, given my concerns and the degree of difficulty it represents for my clients. Through TTI, I have access to a statistically validated assessment of the priority my client puts on six attitudes, or approaches to life. (The assessment is called "Personal Interests and Values" - here's a flyer about it [PDF, 913kb] - in case you are interested in taking it.) For most of my clients, this approach has led, over the course of several follow-on discussions, to a deep understanding of what is driving them and what might be driving others. Simple observation will give you clues as to what another person values, although it will take some time. Watch how she spends her time - at work and away from work. Watch for those times when her eyes light up or she shows real passion about something. Test your hypothesis with statements like, "The way you talk about last weekend's retreat, you really seem to value caring for people in emotional distress." Give this a try. When you are having trouble sorting out what to do next, take a step back and look for your underlying values - for what's really important to you. Armed with that understanding, test each of your options against those values. And the next time you are frustrated with trying to communicate with someone else, try some of these ideas in order to discover what's driving them, and then tailor your communication accordingly. As always, I'd love to hear how it goes. And if you have discovered other great tools for teasing out core values and motivators - "what's important" - please consider sharing them with us in the comments section below. For more approaches to a similar question, see "A Recipe for Happiness" by Lora Banks.
